04 August 2021 – My first Anniversary

I know I have not written for a while, I’ve been distancing myself to give me a break from cancer Bry. But apparently it’s my one year anniversary since my diagnosis so it’s apt I make an effort today.

[Note this should involve actual presents or a tiara – I will write to Hallmark].

Since chemo stopped at the end of March there has been so much on; being a single parent to a puppy, catching up with friends with lockdown easing and trying to embrace every weekend – even if it’s one at home with the dog, it means new walks, trips out and just giving her the life she deserves.

I have been grappling so much with my self-esteem, no one tells you cancer makes you put on weight, and I hate myself right now. I still need a nap after work most days, which might be the painkillers because of my neuropathy in the hands and feet. It makes it hard to want to see more than a small circle of people.

But I’m on the mend – my fingers now feel normal, bar issues with grip which mainly impacts re-loading the salt in my dishwasher (my god it’s infuriating), I feel relatively normal.

My feet are the kicker (get it!) and I suppose the current reminder of what I’ve been through I have neuropathy and plantar fasciitis in both feet – likely due to the lockdown and being inside for three months. My sense of taste has changed and I have a sweet tooth galore which definitely wasn’t the case pre-chemo when I would have fought for a cheese board every time over a three course dinner..

Brilliantly Macmillan are always on hand, they have physios, I can’t be seen face to face during Covid but they call every week to help me moving. I keep being told to rest but I have a five month old puppy who needs so much attention – someone told me once puppies sleep 18-24 hours a day – I wish!

But I have painkillers (pregablin), I am also taking some homeopathy medicine on top to see if I can expedite my recovery. But in all honesty in comparison to chemo this is all fine and dandy.

Since getting Bertie, I’ve only had one weekend of no plans – most have been filled with re-uniting with friends again – I have seen my folks for pleasure not because of cancer. Despite this, and fighting cancer, Bertie is always the most popular with my mum and many of my friends. I do like to remind them that I’m present whilst the dog is being fussed at constantly, I mean I fought cancer and I’m the most unpopular person in my house – I mean can’t a girl catch a break here.

On Monday I had a blood test and thereby my cancer journey starts again in an official capacity, the appointments for the CT Scans and Coloscopy are due soon. I can honestly say if it wasn’t for Bertie, I would be dwelling on this a lot more.

I had a friend die recently of cancer and it affected me greatly – I had a call with Maggies about it and they were so concerned they wanted me to have a call with my Psychologist. But it wasn’t needed after some TLC with bestie, and my promise now is to live life to the full and do him proud.

Here are a few photos to show that I have been making the most of time with my pup and friends – the last year seems like a hazy nightmare; a journey and a real battle. My life a year later is slower but richer – cancer makes you realise how many good people there are in your life and my friends and family are the best of the best. Love you all xx


4 thoughts on “04 August 2021 – My first Anniversary

  1. I have been following your journey and you are amazing. Please don’t worry about putting a few pounds on, I’m guilty of that with lockdown and I haven’t had to contend with what you have gone through. Enjoy yourself and you’ll soon lose those extra pounds walking with Bertie. Instead of hating yourself, give yourself a big pat on the back and remind yourself how far you have come. Hope all goes well with your investigations and best wishes for the future. Debbie x

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    • Hello Debbie – i just wanted to say thank you so much for your post, i’ve been really down all week and you are right, i’ve come so far. Thank you for following my journey and being so supportive. Best Wishes Bryony xx

      Like

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