21 March 2021 – A weird anniversary

A weird day… Well, the start of a weird week, the big countdown to no more chemo. The weird part is the week itself. Exactly one year today the excruciating pain started to develop, who knew where this would lead? Should I have driven to Devon the next day to see the folks on Mother’s Day (pre lockdown)? should I have taken Mums advice and gone to A&E when she saw me crouch in pain? Would I have gotten treatment as quickly if I was diagnosed last March? Would A&E dismiss me and send me home? Or would I be diagnosed and put on the waiting list for surgery and treatment like so many others?

I feel both joy and some survivors guilt that I was pushed through the system quickly after the A&E visit. I have known friends since who have had their colonoscopies delayed because of Covid. I have also seen that some patients have had their treatments delayed and become terminal as well due to the pandemic.

My counsellor is right, my mind is starting to wake up and I am starting to question everything. Is this the pathway to meltdown or am I finally facing what I have gone through in the last six months? Let’s hope for the former.

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