17 February 2021 – Sophie’s Choice

So my oncology nurse called me,  as they always do a few days before chemo is due. As always, they were super approachable and lovely. We talked about my fatigue and that I was struggling with normal life, and that my hands during the last chemo session suffered neuropathy, but I wasn’t sure if that was exacerbated by the harsh winter we were having. 

I was told I could potentially stop the Oxalyplatin and just take the Capeciteabine during the next two sessions if I felt like the symptoms were too much.

I couldn’t believe it, a way to stop all the awfulness of chemo earlier than expected! But  would this increase my chances of the cancer coming back? I was told there was not enough research to determine if stopping the Oxalyplatin in the treatment cycle did increase the chances of the cancer returning but it was the lesser of the two chemo regimes during the second half of treatment.

So, I had a choice. Take the easy route but with the knowledge I didn’t do everything in my power to kill this arsehole cancer – or take the rough road for peace of mind. I chose the latter. 

I have the option to delete the Oxalyplatin during my final round in March but I think I’m too far gone now – I never want this experience again

However,  Friday 18 February is Penultimate Chemo I joked  to my Oncology Nurse that this  sounds like an awesome American TV Show, like Fear Factor or Survivor. We have agreed to go halves on the copyright. 

No news on Bertie, he was due to be born yesterday – but my bespoke food/water bowls have been dispatched. I’m feeling more optimistic, the end is in sight, spring has started and the evenings are getting lighter. There is news of lockdown easing too. But as we all know by now, when I get cocky things sometimes go wrong! Fingers crossed that this time the dice roll my way.

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