I had a phone call today from my oncology nurse, asking me if I would come in to the hospital the next day to meet my surgeon and discuss next steps. Bile started rising in my throat and panic set in. I asked whether or not there was anything to worry about and was told it would be discussed tomorrow. I thought what the hell could this be, a post-surgery check up, or bad news? I was starting to see there were no good calls relating to cancer.
Luckily I was off work and still recovering so I could attend. As always, I wanted the crystal ball to tell me what was going on and why so urgent? I was on the mend, and was trying to fathom how to go back to normal life. I was making real progress too, the stitches were easing, I was coming off the painkillers and becoming more mobile and independent. My main concern was a weird motion sickness I was getting when I was riding in the car – I genuinely had concerns that with my large intestine being taken out my left over bowels were just floating in body space rather than jam packed where they should be (I’m an environmentalist, not a doctor and had never had cause to think about where my innards went). I still have no idea if some of the sickness was down to my new body settling and adjusting to life without my small bowel, or if it was psychosomatic. I genuinely think it was the latter.